teaching isn't about the content, it's about the life skills
it's about teaching them to persevere--> helping them see that God stretches us to strengthen us and that thye won't get any better if they don't encounter hard things

2/22/12

Lots has been going on, but because I'm not really writing this to anyone, I don't have to update :)

per·se·vere [pur-suh-veer] v. 1. to persist in anything undertaken; maintain a purpose in spite of difficulty, obstacles, or discouragement; continue steadfastly.

Yesterday I decided to work on Job applications and figure out my portfolio. However, it only caused me to freak out because as I was looking at job availabilities in Peoria I saw that there aren't any real job openings for middle school English. I was freaking out- have I waited too long? Is the window of opportunity gone? I have no idea what I'm doing, and everyone whose advice I ask for always gives me some answer that causes me to freak out. "Apply everywhere" "Get your name out there" "Just wait." SO MANY OPINIONS, so much advice.

The "man" is now my "boyfriend" and I know that God is using Him in big ways in my life: he has such a gentle perspective about God, and I'm learning about new sides of God that I wouldn't have if he would not be in my life: God is a gentle God who wants to fulfill our desires, not fight against them. WOW. And to think that I hadn't operated under that knowledge for so long!! Praise be to God!!

So, he told me this image:

"Be still and know that I am God..." Psalm 46:10

God has what I want in His hands, and he is holding it out over a cliff: He might drop it, He might not. But, He has it in His hands!

Then this morning something amazing happened. Today's Utmost for His Highest talked about "Spiritual Perseverene" and it's like when we persevere it's completely denying that the enemy will overpower and knowing that love, joy, peace, justice, etc. (Everything that God is) will eventually be fulfilled "Refusing to believe that our hero is going to be conquered"! But Spiritual perseverence is working hard knowing that in the end: God's will WILL BE DONE! He will never be defeated!!

"If our hopes seem to be experiencing disappointment right now, it simply means that they are being purified. Every hope or dream of the human mind will be fulfilled if it is noble and of God. But one of the greatest stresses in life is the stress of waiting for God. He brings fulfillment, 'because you have kept My Command to ersevere...' (Rev.3:10)."

Spiritual perseverence: Be still- God's will is going to be complete. His will is also to make His love complete in me, and right now he is making me sit in a place of waiting to hear back from this job offer and to apply to jobs that are available and in accordance with what God is placing on my heart to do.

I love you and your steadfast Love, O Lord! Create in me a pure heart!! Renew a steadfast spirit within me to spiritually persevere!!!!

2/6/12

surrender

 [suh-ren-der] v. 

1. to yield (something) to the possession or power of another;deliver up possession of on demand or under duress

2.  give up, abandon, or relinquish (comfort, hope, etc.)

Yesterday a friend encouraged me. I'm starting to think about this man more and more throughout my day, and I desire to be around him more and more. It's really hard and it scares me because I'm constantly thinking about other relationships that I've been in and how this one compares/contrasts. It's almost embarrassing just typing this all out, but this is the mind of a woman, I suppose!


I thought about him a lot today, and I want to talk with him, but I refuse to text him/call him/e-mail him or ANYTHING. I've been praying for him to have wisdom and discernment, and so I'm going to trust that God is moving him to move whenever he needs to with the details of our friendship. 


It was so encouraging though yesterday seeing how he sees opportunities to be with people who need Jesus. He met a guy at church yesterday and was going to spend some time with him to share his faith with this guy. That's the best "excuse" for not hanging out that I'd ever accept! It also reminded me of how I really admire that I will never be his "everything." He values the Gospel over one evening joking and laughing and talking with a girl. I love that.


My friend told me this feeling I'm experiencing- that I desire him more than I want to be desiring him right now, is a signal that this is a time of "uncomfortable surrender." Whatever God desires for this friendship is what will happen! I am learning to surrender this friendship to whatever He wants!


Life Change Week is happening at the middle school today, and I'm just so encouraged by what is happening and I'm just honored to be a part of it! I'm praying for the students and praying for a big work to be done in their lives! I want to see the bigger picture with them, that one day they will be parents, future teachers, businessmen/women, etc.!


One elementary school teacher recommended me for the 8th grade position to the administrator. I'm going to talk to the principal of the H.S. and tell him that I'm interested in the position, etc. I'm so excited and I just have a great peace about whatever happens. EVERYTHING is in the Lord's hands.


Today I was really frustrated with all the talking in class, it's really hard to teach when it's such a crazy week. it's like a Friday every day! I need more patience and discernment with how I manage the classroom. 


"For you are great, you do wondrous things! You ALONE are God,
Teach me your way, O Lord,
that I might walk in your truth
Unite my heart to fear your name!" 
There's this song that is just Psalm 86, and it's just so beautiful to think about that!


Also, 2 Corinth 12:8-10... It never occurred to me that when I'm weak God IS strong and is glorified! 


Lord, you rejoice in my weaknesses, You love to be the strong hero! Help me to be silent with you and cultivate an undivided heart to fear your name! To see you how I need to see you right now at this moment!


I love you, Sweet Abba!

2/3/12

un·der·stand

  [uhn-der-stand] n., v.

1. to have knowledge or background, as on a particularsubject: He understands about boats.

Random schedules, questioning about how much time I spend with Aaron and when I'm the only girl. Lots to consider. I think that I just want a black and white thing when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex. It's soo hard to be friends with someone when you had a 12 hour 'date' with them. However, I learned last night that I really just like the idea of having a relationship with him, not necessarily HIM. I still don't know enough about him, so that's what is keeping me sane right now.

Whatever is true....

The Lord has been so good to me. I've learned so much about teaching and just about His grace. I run to him to find peace and rest... Today I cracked open Proverbs 19 because I saw a little thing on my calendar about "A man desires unfailing love." And that just sounded too good to be in the Bible, and here's the context:

 ²⁰ Listen to advice and accept discipline,
   and at the end you will be counted among the wise.

 ²¹ Many are the plans in a person’s heart,
   but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.

 ²² What a person desires is unfailing love^[b];
   better to be poor than a liar.

 ²³ The fear of the LORD leads to life;
   then one rests content, untouched by trouble.

One study Bible says that "unfailing love" is really "loyalty" We want loyalty. That's the truth. I think God's been showing me more about my identity in Him. He is ALWAYS in love with me, but only because he is in love with His son, Jesus. No matter how I feel, no matter how I think I've done today, He still loves me unconditionally. I have definitely tried to place what I think about myself at the same level as what Christ thinks of me! How ridiculous! Colossians 1:27- the mystery: Christ in me, the HOPE of GLORY! I am glorified in Christ, I bring Him glory! If you think I'm being selfish, I feel bad for you, because you have not experienced what it is like to live in the unconditional love of the almighty God.

I think this little passage from Proverbs really sums up a lot about my life right now. Proverbs 3 says to not lean on your own understanding. God knows everything about me, and everything that will be. His purpose prevails. Fearing Him brings LIFE. I have a full life when I view God as he ought to be viewed!

So teaching today was very exhausting! I think I OVER-taught. I want to remember today for a long time, because I was so exhausted and I realized it was because I just had planned to do too much. All day I was adjusting the lessons because I needed everything to fit flawlessly in order to get all of it done, and that's just crazy! Teaching a lesson is NEVER flawless!

My supervisor had a lot of great compliments and wisdom. She said I should slow down when it comes to reading a passage- let them soak it in. I definitely needed to slow down with it, but I knew we had things to do the second hour of the day so I couldn't NOT get everything done. ahh so crazy!

But, now I know... NEVER plan that much again!! haha. I guess I won't have too much of a problem ending class too early ;) 

My ct also mentioned about me teaching here, she said 'is there an opening here?' she also said that as she walked in 3 people in the office said they loved me! What a blessing :) I love when God lets you in on little secrets like that. It seriously just made my day. I really feel like I belong there. But, today is today, and while I'm student teaching I'm giving this "4 month job interview' all I've got!! 

Better start planning for "The Miracle of Mod Podge!" 

I love you and your steadfast love, Father. Keep it pouring down on me, Abba!